Let the Children Come!

In Children's Spirituality: What it is and Why it Matters by Rebecca Nye, the author makes the case that children spend time with God differently than adults and that God also spends time with the children in a different way than with adults. But what does that look like practically?

Well, for starters, we consider the way children engage with the world in general. They play, respond to outer stimuli, explore through the 5 senses, and imagine. It's no great stretch to think that children relate to God in the same way, or that God might make himself known to the children using these same things. 

One of our volunteers in children's church told me a story about her just turned 4-year-old daughter. The little girl had recently heard the story where Jesus implores the disciples to let the children come to him without hindrances. A week or so later, she gathered up all of her marbles and put them in a small basket. She then spilled them out onto the sofa, loudly said, "Let the children come!",  and gently picked up each marble and returned it to the basket. Over the course of a week, she repeated this "game" several times. 

Though we have no way of knowing exactly what was going through this little girl's head, the story about the children coming had obviously caught her attention and she intentionally explored it further through the medium of play. And she didn't need any special, expensive toys either. Just a few simple marbles . . . 

Children's Spirituality: Living in the Present

More thoughts from Kathryn Copsey's book, From the Ground Up. Copsey shares with us a little of Henri Nouwen's experience working with children in Peru:

"The children always challenge me to live in the present. They want me to be with them here and now, and find it hard to understand that I might have other things to do or think about . . . I marvel at their ability to be fully present to me."

It's true. Children have this remarkable ability to live the present moment to its fullest and be 100% there. It is an important part of their spiritual development and something to be encouraged.

As adults we tend to either live in the future or the past. Or, as Copsey points out, sometimes we live in a sort of parallel world through comparison or social media. And after reading this, I've definitely become more aware of where my thoughts are. This gift of living in the present is something that we can definitely glean from our children's example.

In middle and late childhood, we can help kids continue to cultivate this gift. One way is to not interrupt a child when he/she is engaged in an activity. I am learning to hold my tongue with my kids when they are in the middle of something. I want them to learn to concentrate for long periods of time, and if I constantly interrupt them, their attention spans will not be trained. 

Another way is to limit the various forms of media in our homes and classrooms. This is so that children can continue to take joy in simple things, but also to keep them from being prematurely flooded with adult cares and values. 

Can you think of any other ways to help children cultivate this gift, or to cultivate it in our adult lives?

                   

My latest read: "From the Ground Up" by Kathryn Copsey

The latest book that I am reading about children's spirituality is called From the Ground Up by Kathryn Copsey. It was suggested to me by my friend Helen and got a resounding "yes" from Rebecca Nye (Godly Play Trainers' Trainer and author of Children's Spirituality: What it is and Why it Matters) when I was asking her about further reading. 

So far I have only finished the first chapter, because there was so much in it that I read it three times! What I love about this book is that Kathryn's experience and philosophy do not come from orderly, white, middle-class Sunday school rooms. Rather this book is the fruit of her long-standing work with urban children in London, the majority of whom have not had easy lives.

One of the most helpful thoughts from chapter 1 is the difference between spirituality and faith. Most of us know that children's spirituality is fairly hard to define. (I personally like Rebecca Nye's basic definition that spirituality is the attempt to connect to that which is beyond yourself.) And then to differentiate it from faith is even harder. Copsey had a group of children's workers brainstorm words associated with "spirituality" and "faith". The words that people came up with for "spirituality" tended to reflect awareness, mystery, and otherness. The words associated with faith, however, appeared to be more secure, grounded and linked to the beliefs and practices of a given religious community. 

She goes on to say that all children have a spirituality, and that faith is the framework that is built around this spirituality. A child might have a Jewish, Buddhist, or Muslim framework around her spirituality. And it is even possible to build a secular atheistic framework around a child's spirituality. These sorts of statements are exactly what make the subject of children's spirituality a bit controversial in more conservative religious circles, because it becomes clear that spirituality is not limited to Christian children. In fact, all children are spiritual beings and some sort of framework will be built around it, either consciously or unconsciously.

And that is where our work as a Christian mentors comes in. Copsey writes " . . . as Christians, our belief is that spirituality reaches its full expression when a Christian framework is applied - when the original image of God imprinted in each person is consciously recognized and responded to in Jesus Christ." 

All children start out spiritually open, but far too many become less open to it and even closed to it in late childhood and adolescence. This happens in part because their spirituality is either not nurtured or ignored. My dream is to mentor children who will continue to be spiritual their whole lives.

Spiritual Styles in Children

I've alluded to this topic before, but never written a post devoted exclusively to it. So here goes . . .

The field of children's spirituality is producing some fascinating new research. Last year, I read a book by David Csinos, Children's Ministry that Fits, that has profoundly affected how I seek to mentor children on their spiritual journey. 

It seems that children, like adults, have preferred "styles" or avenues of connecting with God. Csinos identifies four of these in his book:

1. Word-based: Children who express their spirituality best in words. They like to verbally process what they are thinking, love learning Bible verses, respond to stories and mini-sermonettes.

2. Emotion-based: These children connect with God through their feelings. Music and the arts help them to do this. Laughing, crying and outward expression of emotions are important to their spiritual expressions.

3. Symbol-oriented: These children love the mystery involved with worship. They love to stare at candles and figure out what things on the walls of churches mean.

4. Action-oriented: Children who want to do something for and with God. They are the movers and shakers who want to feed the homeless, do trash pick-up, and raise money for a good cause.

Perhaps there are even more spiritual styles in children and I would add to the list:

 - Nature-oriented: I have encountered several children who feel closest God when surrounded by His creation.

I think it is important to recognize that children are diverse individuals. What helps one child connect with God may not work for the next. And sometimes children grow up feeling like they don't fit it at church, because the church speaks mainly to one or two styles.

Learning about all of this has convinced me even more of concepts like Godly Play and Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. These types of spiritual mentoring are holistic and address more than one style. They can also help a child learn to worship in ways that are not geared toward their main style.

Are you aware of or able to discern the spiritual styles in the children you mentor? How do you meet diverse needs within your group?

Lust auf die Bibel

Dear English-speaking readers, This post is a follow-up for my German-speaking readers to the last post about encouraging love and respect for the Bible among children. I also wanted to share what German language resources we used in our home and hear from them what they have used with their children.


Natürlich gibt es tausende Ressourcen über die Bibel in der deutschen Sprache sowie auf englisch. Soviel, dass man echt Schwierigkeiten haben kann, etwas auszusuchen ohne von der Auswahl überfordert zu werden. Hier möchte ich mit euch teilen, welche Bücher und Kinderbibeln wir in der Kinderkirche und in unserer Familie gelesen haben, und was wir davon hielten.

Als mein Sohn geboren wurde, schenkte ihm ein Pfarrerfreund Meine Erste Bibel: Geschichte von Jesus. Wir haben aber erst vorgelesen als er ungefähr drei war. Die Bilder sind zwar schön, aber ich hab's nicht gemocht, da es keine einzelnen Kapiteln gibt. Es ist eine einzelne lang laufende Geschichte und deshalb schwer einen Endpunkt zu finden um als Gute Nacht Geschichte zu lesen.

Als die Kinder ganz klein waren, haben wir keine gute Kinderbibeln für Kleinkinder gefunden. (Vielleicht könnt ihr ein paar empfehlen?) Sondern haben wir ganz viele Bücher über biblische Geschichten und Themen gehabt.

Z. B. dieses süße Buch über Psalm 23 mit einem Bären-Hirten. Jeder Vers des Psalmes ist illustriert und hat ein Gebet dazu.

Meine Kinder haben Jesus ist mein bester Freund: Was kleine Herzen wissen wollen besonders gemocht. In diesem Buch stellen Kinder sich vor, wie Jesus aussehen könnte, was er als Kind gemocht hat, usw.

Auch diese Serie von Parragon-Verlag über die berühmtesten Geschichten aus dem alten Testament haben wir gemocht. Die Bücher sind geeignet für Kinder 4-6 Jahre alt, obwohl drei-Jährigen die Bilder toll finden. Hier seht ihr Josef und seine Brüder.

Mit 5-6 Jahren haben wir diese Büchlein Serie, Was uns die Bibel erzählt entdeckt. Das sind kleine Büchlein, die hervorragend geschrieben und künstlerisch illustriert sind. Ich kann nur weiter empfehlen! Ich kaufe sie gern für die Kinderkirche, weil sie ein weiteres Angebot für die Kreativzeit nach einer Godly Play Geschichte sich gegeignen.

Ohne Frage ist dies die beste Kinderbibel, die ich entdeckt habe: Die Gott hat dich lieb Bibel. Sie ist auch von einem Kunstler illustriert (keine Comics) und der Text erzählt nicht nur die Geschichten, sondern den roten Pfad durch die ganze biblische Geschichten. Ich schenke diese Bibel oft und die Eltern lesen sie gern sowohl als auch die Kinder.


Neben Büchern haben wir die Musik von Daniel Kallach gern zugehört. Viele von den Texten in seinen Liedern kommen direkt aus der Bibel. Auch Bibel Hits: Du bist der Herr von Gerth Verlag.

Ich möchte sehr gern von euch hören, welche Kinderbibeln oder Geschichten ihr euren Kindern vorgelesen habt? 

Inspiring Website

If you are looking for new ideas or fresh inspiration in your spiritual journey with children, please visit  the Spiritual Child Network!

Sarah, Victoria and Carolynn share beautiful, sensitive and respectful ways to shepherd children in the discovery of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They also regularly update the website with new things. 


Some recent things that have inspired me:
- the story of Joe, a special needs child, who has learned to lead his congregation in worship
- liturgy boxes
- play spaces that encourage spirituality

I regularly go to this website and have been meaning to share it with you for a long time. But better late than never!

Winter as a Spiritual Season

If you live in a colder climate, the dark, overcast days of winter can wear on a person physically and emotionally after a while. It is easy to get down and negative and our children pick up on this quickly. In the natural world we know that winter allows the soil to rest and replenish. It also gives foliage a way to rid itself of old growth in order to make room for the new growth that comes in the spring. These natural processes of death and new birth carry over into our spiritual lives as well. How and what we communicate to our children about the natural season of winter can impact their ability to weather the spiritual "winters" that come in their later years.

Snow can be magical.

Children begin to understand metaphors and put metaphorical meanings to words like "hot" and "cold" around the ages of 7 or 8. The cognitive experiences and knowledge that the child has gathered and will continue to gather are transformed into symbols that contribute to the development of abstract thinking that Piaget called the "formal operational stage". Thus, the ideas and opinions that children are exposed to about the natural world (including winter) help to shape their view of these things as positive or negative and these things take on metaphorical meanings in the child's later years. 

So what does this have to do with winter, faith and spirituality? (Where is she going with this blog post anyway??!!) God crafted the natural world to be a reflection of his character. Indeed, the Bible is full of pictures and metaphors about the seasons, and our lives have a natural rhythm, an ebb and flow to them, that is from our Creator.

Psalm 74: 17 says, "You have made both the summer and the winter."  As adults, sometimes it is spring or summer in our lives and we feel alive with new ideas and boundless energy. And sometimes it is winter. And sometimes it lasts a long time. We feel that parts of us are dying. We can't go on doing the same things and we need to rest. The "spiritual winter" seeks to give us rest, let things that need to die do so, and offers the hope of new growth. If we slow down and let it do its job, then winter becomes something that we can treasure and not just make it through. 

Learning to ice skate on a frozen pond. 

In shepherding the spiritual development of children, we can take care to pass on the beauty of winter to them. When we do enjoyable things with them in this season -  telling stories, doing experiments and making art projects - we reinforce the truth that what God has created is good and useful. Even when it's hard at times. (It's also okay to be honest and let our kids know that the winter can be long and hard as long as we communicate the positive side, too.) Helping kids to see the natural season of winter in its many facets can then in the long run help them weather the spiritual one as well.

Feeding the birds

And then we pray and believe that God will communicate to our children as he has done for countless generations that all of the seasons on this earth are meant for good as well as all of the seasons of life.

My Top 10 Fun Things to do in Winter:


1. Explore the forest and see how many colors we can find.
2. Build a fort in the forest.
3. Hang home-made bird feeders.
4. Ice Skate!
5. Make a snuggle corner for reading books and drinking hot chocolate.
6. Winter arts and crafts (cutting snowflakes or making ice ornaments).
7. Science experiments with ice
8. Sledding!
9. Tell / read / make up winter fairy tales.
10. Learn about what animals do in winter and about arctic animals.

P.S. And if you live in a crazy hot climate like Texas, then you have a whole other reason to teach your kids about the beauty of winter, because it is the only time of year that you can actually enjoy being outside!




How do you make winter into a positive experience for your children?

The Topic of Santa

As spiritual mentors, how do we deal with the topic of Santa (in all of his various forms!)?  Do we go along with the tradition of teaching kids to believe in Santa? If we talk about Jesus the same way that we talk about Santa, can that cause children to subconsciously believe that Jesus is also a fairy tale?

From a Wikipedia article, this is an 1881 illustration by Thomas Nast. 

I distinctly remember the day that I found out there was no Santa Claus. I was 7-years-old and had been in a serious argument at school with a little boy about Santa's existence. I defended Santa and Rudolph as vehemently as I would have defended the Immaculate Conception.  Shaken by the little boy's counter arguments, I went to my mother who sheepishly admitted that there was no Santa.  I was crushed. . . and angry. Why had every adult in my life lied to me all those years? Fortunately, this disappointment never caused me to doubt my faith in God, but I have heard from others that it cause them to wonder if the story about Bethlehem was made up as well.

My husband, however, had a completely different experience and found the whole Santa thing to be great fun as a kid. When he found out the truth, he just laughed and kept playing along.  So after we had children ourselves, we had serious debates over what to tell our children.  Funny how we got into such heated arguments over something like Santa.:)

We both quickly found that in a multicultural world, keeping up the Santa tradition becomes complicated. With the media and friends from different ethnic backgrounds, kids catch on quick to the different versions (or lack of) to the story. Who exactly does bring all those presents? In the US, Santa and St. Nicholas are the same person. In northern Germany, they are two completely different people. And in many parts of southern Germany, Austria and northern Italy, St. Nicholas also has a sidekick, a sometimes rather scary helper named "Knecht Ruprecht" or "Krampus" who brings naughty children switches.

This is a harmless image of Knecht Ruprecht, St. Nicholas' "helper",
but google the name and you'll see some other images! (Source)

In other parts of southern Germany, there is no Santa at all.  Instead, the "Christkind" ("Christ Child") brings the presents.  Depending on who you talk to, the Christkind can be either Baby Jesus himself or a sort of angel.  (In Nuremburg there is a bi-annual beauty pageant to choose a young girl who will be the Christkind. She then makes public appearances at Christmas markets to wow the young children.) In the Czech Republic, "Ježišek" ("Little Jesus") brings the presents.  (Hmmm . . . the Czech Republic is also the most atheistic nation in Europe. Could there be a historical connection between the birth of Christ being reduced to another form of Santa Claus and the atheism?) In Russia, "Ded Moroz" ("Grandfather Frost") brings the gifts at New Year's, which might be the most healthy thing of all, since the gift-giving has no connection at all to the Orthodox Christmas celebration on January 7. And what about kids whose families don't celebrate Christmas? My son wanted to know in the first grade why his Muslim friends had no Santa visits. Keeping up the Santa tradition is not as easy as it used to be in a global village . . .

Sixteen-year-old Franziska Handke, the Nuremburg Christkind for 2011-12.
Click here for more pictures and info.

In the end, my husband and I settled on a compromise: we told our kids the truth, but explained that it was a fun "game" that everyone, young and old, plays. Consequently, both kids are secure knowing the truth, but still have the fun of drawing pictures for St. Nicholas, singing Santa songs, or leaving cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve.

I have also decided that if any children ask me directly about Santa, I will also explain it to them in this way. I certainly don't want to destroy the "Christmas Magic" in their early years, but as a spiritual mentor, I feel that I have to honor the trust that the children around me extend.  This means helping sort out which stories are fun fairy tales and which ones are not.

How do you feel about the Santa tradition and what do you tell the children you care for?

Russia "Snapshot" #1: Orthodox Churches

Upon arriving in Irkutsk, we took a walk around some familiar places to try and beat jetlag. Eventually, we ended up near the Epiphany Church and decided to go in and see if anything had changed since we lived there.  It was at that moment that I realized that my children had never been in an Orthodox church before.

The Epiphany Orthodox Church in Irkutsk.
(Богоявленский собор)

As we walked in, my son exclaimed, "Wow, Mommy, this is more like a castle than a church!" My daughter, her wide eyes taking in the gold and ornate structures, chimed in that this was most certainly fit for a king and that God must really like it.

In my "History of Orthodoxy" class in college, we learned that Orthodox places of worship are designed to invoke a strong sense of God's majesty and represent the Kingdom of Heaven. This was a special moment for me as I realized that my children didn't need to be told this. They were intuitively sensing something that most adults unfamiliar with Orthodoxy have to have explained to them. Once again, I saw something very familiar to me through their fresh young eyes and was wowed all over again.

As a response to our children's thoughts, we lit a candle and said the Lord's Prayer together. A moment to treasure in God's "castle".

We visited many more Orthodox churches on this trip and here are a few highlights:

Below is a new playground in front of the Odigitria Cathedral in Ulan-Ude. When I lived here in the early 90's, this church was almost in ruins and used mainly as a storage facility. I was thrilled to see that it is now a beautifully renovated working church with a playground. This is the first Russian Orthodox church I have seen with a playground. I was particularly encouraged by this, because Orthodox churches in Siberia don't always have the reputation of being very family-friendly. This church had a playground and offered Sunday School classes for children as well!

The courtyard of the Odigitria Cathedral (Одигитриевский собор) in Ulan-Ude.
My kids played here for a long time and you can see my son
here enjoying his daily treat of "russkoye morozhenoye".

Pictures don't do St. Basil's Cathedral at Red Square justice.  This church is breathtaking no matter how many times you see it. My kids were fascinated by the story and paintings of St. Basil, the "holy fool", who was not afraid of Ivan the Terrible. 

The fairy tale-like onion domes of St. Basil's.

The kids were also quite interested in the many replicas of "The Holy Trinity" icon,
because it was something they recognized and knew about. 

My daughter peeping out from a corner in St. Basil's.

Not far from the Kremlin is the Cathedral of Christ our Saviour (Храм Христа Спасителя). Demolished in 1931 by the Soviets, it was rebuilt again beginning in 1990. A working church, it is definitely worth a visit when touring Moscow.

Response from David Csinos

Yesterday I wrote a post about Children's Ministry that Fits by David Csinos and shared the link with him on his blog, Such as These.  He wrote a thoughtful response my observation / question about his research excluding children from sacramental Christian traditions and shed some light on how this happened. Thought you might like to read it here!

Summer Reading Update: Children's Ministry that Fits

I'm slowly getting back into the rhythm of teaching school, so here is a new blog post about some of my summer reading!

Children's Ministry that Fits: Beyond One Size Fits All Approach to Nurturing Children's Spirituality by David Csinos has some good points that make it a worthwhile read for anyone involved in mentoring children on their spiritual journey.  The basic premise cuts right at the heart of what my husband terms the "Big Mac Gospel" approach to spiritual mentorship that has dominated many corners of Christianity in the western world for the last few decades.  That is, Christians have often sought to find a formula, an easily-digestable way to package the Gospel of Jesus Christ and mass distribute it. Despite good intentions, the Big Mac Gospel forces square pegs into round holes and doesn't leave much room for exploration of God outside of the "formula".  This philosophy has also played a large role in children's ministry.  (Lest I sound too judgemental, I have certainly been guilty of it as well!) Csinos' research seeks to show that children as well as adults have different spiritual styles or ways that they encounter God.  When our spiritual mentorship offers only one or two ways to relate to God, we run the risk of isolating children who relate to God in a different way and stunting their spiritual growth.  I also believe this is a reason why many children grow into young adults who then stop attending church.

Through focus groups with 13 children from three different faith communities, Csinos identifies four specific styles of spirituality in children: 1) Word-centered; 2) Emotion-centered; 3) Symbol-centered; and 4) Action-centered.  Many faith communities tend to lean heavily on one particular style and this can cause children (as well as adults) to intuitively sense that something is missing. Of the three churches that Csinos pooled from to do his research, only one of them seemed to have enough variety in its worship styles to be meeting the needs of the children.  This was a Presbyterian church that offered options from all four styles in the general life of the church.  The other churches, one that focused mainly on teaching and another that heavily emphasized contemporary worship music, seemed to leave their children lacking. As spiritual mentors, we are challenged to think beyond what inspires us personally and provide a broader spiritual spectrum to the children we pastor.

Another important point is that children have to be intricately involved in the life of the church and not tucked away into some corner for Sunday services.  For example, a child in one focus group that was action-centered found that her church's free meals to the homeless helped her feel particularly close to God.  Even though she was a child, she had been fully invited to be a part of this activity outside of Sunday morning worship and this made her feel valued as well as allowing her to engage her spiritual style.

My biggest criticism of the book lies in the limited choice of churches for the research.  Though Csinos identifies three dominant traditions in Christianity - sacramental, covenantal, conversional - he does not include children from sacramental traditions (Roman Catholic, Anglican or Orthodox) in his research.  I do not want to be too judgemental since I do not know his reasons for this, but I do wonder how having children from this tradition might have altered his research results.

The book also confirmed for me that concepts like Godly Play and Catechesis of the Good Shepherd are on the right track in providing children with healthy variety in how they help children to know the Father, Son and Holy Spirit without going in the direction of extreme individualism.

Have you read any good books on children's spirituality lately?

Defining Children's Spirituality . . .

 . . . with a little help from Rebecca Nye.

I pretty much devoured the book pictured above by Rebecca Nye, Children's Spirituality: What it is and why it Matters. When I look back on books that have significantly impacted me, I am sure that this book will be high up on the list.  Not only is it helping me to understand the children around me, but it also helps me to look at my own childhood in a new light.  I hope to write several posts about thoughts in this book.

What spirituality and children's spirituality are can be a difficult thing to nail down or even recognize.  Nye begins the book by listing psychological, educational and theological definitions to spirituality. Then, she moves on to defining Christian spirituality and more specifically children's spirituality in a Christian context.  In a nutshell, spirituality seems to be an awareness of transcendence and connectedness to something beyond our  individual ourselves. In Christian spirituality, this is a connectedness to the triune God: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And in Christian children's spirituality, it is how children "be" with God and how God in turn can "be" with them.

During my time in Russia in the early 90s', I often heard the Russian word, "duchovni", that literally translates as "spiritual".  In my own language, I had only heard that word used in a narrowly defined religious context. I, of course, assumed that the Russian word carried the same connotations. However, I soon came to realize that "duchovni" encompassed something much larger.  It described everything from the words of the poet, Anna Akhmatova, to the majesty of an Orthodox church to the serenity of standing on the shores of Lake Baikal.  It described experiences that combined artistic expression, concentrated thought and an attempt to reach out to something greater than one's self. Having somewhat grasped the broadness of the Russian term has helped me these days to recognize children's spirituality in everyday life when I see it and then to encourage it in a Christian context. (So interesting how God uses our past experiences like building blocks to prepare us for the present!)

I have to admit that early on as a children's pastor, I completely missed the boat sometimes when children were "being" with God and I interpreted their responses as mere play. This is because spirituality in children can easily be overlooked or dismissed in the church when it doesn't look like what Nye terms "fluent Christian".  Their spirituality takes many playful forms and often does looks silly or like nonsense to adults.  For example, suppose a child draws something in children's church that appears to have  absolutely nothing to do with the lesson/theme that has just been presented.  An uninformed children's worker could easily dismiss the work as irrelevant, because it doesn't make a direct connection to the lesson.  Nye points out, however, that children have a more holistic approach to things because of their limited analytical skills.  Therefore, the child who draws a dinosaur after hearing a lesson on Abraham and Sarah may well be making a connection with God that is not readily visible to an adult.  Only the child and God know what is really happening.  And something truly amazing can be taking place! (And sometimes we get lucky enough that the child can at some point verbalize what has taken place.)

What does this mean for us as children's workers and parents?  It means that we have to let go of some control and trust that the Holy Spirit is working in our children. We have to make church less like a school in which we offer something from God's Word and expect the children to regurgitate it back to us in a certain way.  Don't get me wrong, I think memorizing Scripture and other "frontal" teaching methods are appropriate at times.  But what I am getting at (and I think this is Nye's point) is that we have to make room for the unexpected moments and ways that God extends friendship and revelation to children and follow his lead even when we don't fully understand what is taking place.

Nye also writes of a study by Kalevi Tammenin in Finland about spiritual experiences in the population there. Eighty percent of the 7-years-olds surveyed spoke of having moments where they were aware of God's presence.  Then, 60% of 11-year-olds were aware of his presence.  By stark contrast, only 30% of adults could point to such moments.  This tells us something very important about faith and spirituality: children are spiritual beings from the beginning and we have to nurture this capacity to connect with God or it will in time be lost.

Okay, those are my thoughts for now.  I invite you all to please join the conversation so that we can learn from one another!

How do you observe spirituality in the children around you?

What are ways that you encourage them in this?

A Child's Way of being with God

In a post from last month, I quoted Rebecca Nye in her book "Children's Spirituality: What it is and why it Matters" defining children's spirituality as "God's ways of being with children and children's ways of being with God." This implies that these ways are often different from the ways that adults spend time with God. As parents, mentors and pastors for children, we have to be constantly observing and sensitive to these ways and make space for them.

One thing I've learned is that children spend time with God at what we adults often consider the most inopportune times.  Yesterday morning I walked my daughter to kindergarten in the pouring rain. I mean, it was raining cats and dogs. Every person in sight was looking stressed and huddled underneath their umbrella or the hood of their rainjacket.  (In central Berlin, a car is more of a hindrance than anything else, so we walk most places.) Life tends to be a musical for my daughter, and soon after leaving our house, she began singing.  I soon realized that the lyrics were a dialogue that she had recently had with another little boy in kindergarten about the existence of God.  The little boy had apparently told her that he didn't believe in God and my daughter responded by telling him her thoughts about God.  She sang his discourse and then her responses to it all the way there.  It honestly sounded a bit like a 5-year-old version of "Carmina Burana". Rather than interrupting her to ask questions, I silently listened and was amazed at the simple wisdom in what she sang about and to God.

Why my daughter picked this moment to begin singing about God in the pouring rain, I cannot say. However, I am very sure that she was processing an incident with God that had a big impact on her and she was deeply engrossed in it.  It was important to her and she need to do this.  And somehow the rain spurred it all on.  

I am glad that she trusts me enough to do this in my presence and know that I will not laugh or interrupt her. I am also glad that her enjoyment of God isn't limited to quiet, meditative places.  And I am thankful that God is opening my eyes to how he spends time with children, so that I can help make room for it.

Summer Reading

Our six weeks of summer vacation began last week and I am delighted to use the time off from teaching to catch up on some reading.

"Children's Spirituality: What it is and why it Matters" by Rebecca Nye

"Der Neugier der Kleinsten Raum Geben: Kinder fragen nach Gott und der Welt" by Ulrike Labuhn. (Ulrike is also my Godly Play trainer. I hope this one gets translated into English at some point. Heck, maybe I'll translate it! )

"Children's Ministry that Fits: Beyond One-Size fits all Approach to Nurturing Children's Spirituality" by David Csinos

I'll give some feedback on these books when I'm finished!

When I'm not reading for me, my other favorite pastime is reading to my kids.  These are the two read-alouds that we are currently reading:

"The Princess and the Goblin" by George MacDonald (I discovered MacDonald last year and love his writings.)

"Nancy Drew: The Secret of Mirror Bay" by Carolyn Keene (This book enthralled me as a kid! It's great fun to read it to my own kids now.)

What are you reading this summer?

When your Child asks about Death / Wenn Kinder über den Tod fragen

If you are the parent or caregiver of a young child, then you know this experience: you are going somewhere (usually in a hurry) or doing something really fun, and then suddenly, out of the blue, comes a question from your child that you never saw coming. "Mommy, what happens when I die?"  "Daddy, will I die someday? Will you die?" We, as adults, are often caught off-guard or taken aback by such questions. After all, it's not a pleasant topic and certainly not one that we want to dwell on. However, it is very important to remember that such questions are a healthy and normal part of a child's spiritual and psychological development. How we react and what we say can go a long way in comforting and allaying fear in a child. Wer Kinder im Kindergartenalter hat, kennt diese Geschichte:  du bist unterwegs (meistens in Eile) mit den Kindern oder ihr macht irgendwas Lustiges zusammen und dann plötzlich aus der Luft kommt eine ganz unerwartete Frage.  "Mama, werde ich mal sterben?" "Wirdst du oder Papa sterben?" "Was passiert, wenn man stirbt?"  Wir als Erwachsene fühlen uns sofort unbequeem und wissen oft nicht, was wir dazu sagen sollen.  Tod ist natürlich kein schönes Thema und man will nicht so lange darüber nachdenken.  Aber, es ist wichtig zu erkennen, dass solche Fragen über den Tod normal und gesund sind.  Sie gehören zu der geistlichen und psychologischen Entwicklung des Kindes. Wie wir darauf reagieren kann dem Kind trösten und helfen Angst abzubauen. 

I am addressing this topic, because I run into many parents who are almost paralyzed by questions about death. However, taking time to process such questions with our children builds trust and strengthens both their character and ours.  A child's journey is one of trying to make sense of the world around them.  In asking about death, children are expressing curiosity about something that is unknown and may be trying to relieve fear about it.  As author Mary VanClay points out, children become aware of death at young ages as a result of everything from hearing fairy tales to interaction with nature.  Talking about it with a trusted adult gives them invaluable opportunities to process before they at some point in their lives actually experience the death of a beloved pet or a grandparent.  Ich schreibe etwas über das Thema. weil ich immer wieder mit Eltern rede, denen es sehr schwer fällt solche Fragen zu beantworten. Wenn wir die Zeit nehmen, um diese Fragen von unseren Kindern wahrzunehmen, dann bauen wir Vertauen zu unseren Kindern auf und gleichzeitig stärken wir ihren und unseren Charakter. Die Kindheit ist ein großer,, schöner Versuch die Welt einzuordnen, und deshalb wenn Kinder über den Tod fragen, drücken sie Neugier über etwas Unbekanntes aus und versuchen dabei Angst abzubauen. Wie Autorin Mary VanClay schreibt, kommen Kinder in Kontakt mit dem Theman Tod fast täglich durch Märchen, die Natur, usw.  Die Möglichkeit sich mit einem vertrauten Erwachsenen darüber zu unterhalten bietet eine unhelimlich wertvolle Zeit an, die Gedanken zu verarbeiten, bevor die Kinder in der Zukunft tatsächlich den Tod von einem beliebten Haustier oder sogar von den Grosseltern erleben.  

One of the things that I treasure about my work as a children's pastor and with Godly Play is that it provides opportunities for children to think about death in a safe place.  In the Godly Play story, "The Great Family", about Abraham and Sarah, the storyteller at one point encloses the figure in her hands, explains that Sarah was "full from her many years" (translated from the German!) and actually buries her in the sand of the Desert Sack.  It is not unusual after this story and others with similar themes to see the children burying the figures in the sand during the creative phase where the children are allowed to play with the story materials. This often shocks parents to see their children "playing" death. Children, however, are sensorimotor beings who learn and process play. Through play, they find the words to formulate the questions that come "out of the blue".  Ich schätze in meiner Arbeit als Kinderpastorin und mit Godly Play, dass die Kinder Möglichkeiten haben sich Gedanken über das Thema in geschützen Rahmen machen zu können.  Bei der Godly Play Geschichte, "Die Große Familie", die um Abraham und Sarah geht, nimmt der Erzähler die Sarahfigur in der Hand und sagt, "Sarah war voll an Jahren" und begräbt sie in die Sand.  Oft in der Kreativzeit nachher begraben die Kinder Sarah und die anderen Figuren wieder beim Spielen.  Das schokiert die Eltern manchmal, wenn sie sehen, dass die Kinder "den Tod" spielen. Kinder aber lernen und erfahren mit den 5 Sinnen. Durchs Spielen finden sie die Worter um später Fragen zu stellen.

When your child asks you about death, here are some things to keep in mind / Wenn Kinder den Tod ansprechen, hier sind ein paar Dingen zu beachten:

1. Provide a safe place for them to talk.  Keep your own emotions in check and be patient with their questions.  Don't try to distract them or hurry the conversation to an end. Schaffe geschützen Raum für sie zu reden.  Versuche die eigenen starken Emotionen oder Ängste unter Kontrolle zu halten.  Versuche nicht das Gespräch woanders zu lenken oder schnell zu beenden. 

2. Be honest about what you know and don't know.  A friend of mine, who isn't at all religious, was recently talking to me about this subject and asking me what I told my children about death.  I told her that, of course, I can't provide any scientific evidence about what happens to the soul/spirit when a person dies, but I did tell my children that God promises never to leave or forsake us and that nothing can separate us from his love, not even death. We don't have all the answers, but God did not mean for us to, did he?  Gib ehrlich zu, was du weisst und nicht weisst.  Eine Bekanntin, die gar nicht religiös ist, hat mich gefragt, was ich den eigenen Kindern über den Tod sage.  Ich habe erzählt, dass ich natürlich nicht genau beweisen kann, was wissenschaftlich mit der Seele und Geist nach dem Tod passiert. Aber ich sage meinen Kinder, dass Gott verspricht uns niemals zu verlassen und dass Nichts kann uns von seiner Liebe trennen. Ich muss nicht alle Antworte haben.: )   

3. After your child asks, provide a "playful" (by this I do not mean flippant) way to talk further about death.  Read a Bible story or another story together in which someone dies and talk about it.  Or allow your child to process with play figures such as Playmobil or wooden figures by making up a story together and asking your child how he/she feels when one of the characters die. This can help your child (and maybe even you!) process in a healthy way.  Nachdem dein Kind die Frage stellt, kann man weiter auf eine spielerische Art und Weise darüber reden.  Lest eine Bibelgeschichte oder eine andere Geschichte, in der eine Person stirbt, und diskutiert sie zusammen. Man kann auch Playmobil Figuren oder Puppen holen und eine Geschichte zusammen ausdenken.  Frage dein Kind, was es empfindet, wenn die Figur/Puppe stirbt.  Das kann dem Kind (und vielleicht dir auch) helfen die Gedanken zu verarbeiten.

Here are some other helpful articles that I found on the web / Hier sind ein paar hilfsreiche Artikeln vom Internet, die das Thema behandeln: 

• How to talk to your preschooler about Death by Mary VanClay
• Talking to Children about Death from J.W. Worden
• Mit Kindern über den Tod reden von Lacrima Zentrum

I hope this is helpful and wish you wisdom, patience and a healthy dose of playfulness when your child gets around to asking this question!  Ich hoffe, diese Gedanken sind behilflich und ich wünsche euch Weisheit, Geduld und Kraft, wenn die unerwarteten Fragen kommen!

Creating Spiritual Space for Children

A new year is right around the corner and many of us are thinking about our lives last year and considering what we might do differently or seek to improve.  (I  am certainly thinking a lot about this!)  I’d like to share with you some thoughts about how to create spiritual space for our children.  In this article, I am specifically speaking to our role as the parents of 3-8 year olds, but in the future I would like to discuss this role as pastors or religion teachers as well. 

What do I mean by spiritual space?  Webster’s Dictionary defines “space” as the following:  1) a continuous expanse extending in all directions; 2) area or room sufficient for or allotted to something; 3) an interval or period of time.  And when talking about our children’s spirituality, all three of these definitions can apply.  We are talking about time and a family’s rhythm. We can be talking about a physical space.  And we are referring to something that will extend out in all directions in their lives and influence every aspect of their growth. 

Here are some things that I think can help us to make room for our children’s spiritual growth: 

1) Pray and believe that God will engage your children.  I know many people who are anxious about their child’s relationship (or lack of) with God.  Relax. God lovingly created your child and He will take every opportunity to build friendship with her.  I also know other people who feel that prayer is a passive activity and that they must always do something.  While there certainly are things that we can do to encourage our child’s relationship with the Father, praying and believing is a way of giving up our control.  It is acknowledging that we are not at the center of the universe and everything does not depend on us.  It is acknowleding that a gracious God is at work in our child’s lives regardless of our failures or triumphs.  Believe me, the God who became a man in Jesus wants your child to know Him much more than you do. 

2) Make spiritual downtime for your children – time to talk about who He is, read a Bible story, pray together.  Children need distraction-free, unencumbered time to reflect just as adults do. Find a time that works best for your family’s rhythm. For years, we tried to do morning devotions, but most of the time it was too rushed and became just going through the spiritual motions.  I discovered this past year that my children needed this time with God at night in order to process their day and were much more open in the evenings.  Some nights they just want to “be”, but often they are very much wanting to talk and share what is going on in their hearts and minds.

Find ways to do this that appeal to your child.  Maybe there is a good children’s Bible or devotional book. You might use Godly Play. Or tell stories yourself from the Bible or about other Christians, saints or historical figures who have experienced God in their lives. Or ask your kids to tell you the stories.  One of our most meaningful evening times together this year was during Advent when I happened to have some nativity figures lying around and I asked my son and daughter (ages 7 and 5) to tell me the story of Jesus’ birth.  They alternated and amazed me with their insights and choice of words.  One might also use the church calendar as a catalyst by highlighting topics and biblical stories that coincide with the church calendar. Singing songs is another great way to spend time with God together. 

And perhaps this happens in a specific location in your house or apartment.  My kids love to gather on our sofa or on my daughter’s bed and snuggle as we are spending time with God.

3) Allow your kids to see spirituality in your own life. Pray authentic prayers with simple language. Admit when you don’t know the answers or when you have questions about something you don’t understand.  (We set our kids up for failure when we pretend to get it right all the time!)  Examine how you express your relationship to God and include your kids in it.  Maybe it is by caring for the needy. Maybe it is through art. Talk about how your faith influences your decisions. We are our children’s first teachers and if they sense that school, job and doctor’s appointments are a higher priority, then those things will also trump spiritual space in their lives. 

4) Cut down on organized activities.  Children need time to use their imaginations and play.  Where I live, there is a children’s class for everything.  I haven’t yet seen a class entitled “Underwater Basket-Weaving for Childen”, but I’m sure that Prenzlauerberg has one somewhere!  Your child doesn’t need to learn or be good at everything or have a playdate with every friend from school.  They need time to explore and express the world and their life.  When they don’t have this free time, they are easily stressed.

5) Don’t be frustrated if your child does not show interest or seem motivated.  Children go through phases.  The last thing that will help is making their spiritual experiences like school.  I have come to believe that a Montessori-type approach where a child is encouraged to explore his particular expression of relationship with God is ultimately the healthiest.  Let’s face it, as individual adults and even as whole churches, we highlight a only a few aspects of God’s character at best.  None of us alone live out the full Gospel in it many diverse forms and neither will our children.  That’s why we together are the Body of Christ and not all-encompassing, self-sufficient, autonomous spiritual beings. Interdependence is part of God's plan.

My sincere hope and prayer for those of you reading this is that God will help you create the spiritual space for your children that they need.  Just so you know, being a children’s pastor doesn’t make me an expert and I am learning all of this myself!  Please feel free to share your ideas as well.  And as we say in German, “May you slide well into the New Year!”